It sleeted yesterday, but the ice melted and it reached to 52 degrees today. It wasn't that cold when I went to my classes.

So I'm finally on birth control. It's about time. my periods are very irregular and I get excruciating cramps with it. Plus, Harold and I are sexually active, and I dont think we need a mini-Harold running around anytime soon. Heather went with me to Planned Parenthood. They forced me to take a Pregnancy test. They charged me for that, the visit, and the pills, and it totaled to be 40 dollars. I was shocked. I didn't even need the test, and I assumed visting was free, since it's called a "free clinic". They didn't tell me the bill until after everything. They even tried to force me to take the morning after pill, but that costed 30 for two pills. Hell no. Besides, I'm not pregnant, because I'm just now finishing my period.

I spent the night at Heather's house on Monday. She picked me up and we drove to her house. We video taped Scooter barking at the vaccum cleaner. Poor thing, he freaked so much, but it was still too cute. Then we ate at Frenkies. The food was pretty good, but they gave me a big portion. Then we went to Walmart to get a few things, and Heather also wanted to get some things for her room. She bought a light rope, which is really pretty when lit. The blue lights are perfect. Then she bought a bulletin board. However, we didn't successfully hang it on the wall, because it didn't say on the package that the nails needed for the wall weren't included. She got herself a Twilight poster. Kick ass. We hung that bitch up with no problem. And she bought a really comfy comforter. I think it took an hour to clean out her closet. She wanted to go through her clothes and weed out what she wanted, and didnt need. It was fun helping her.

So Sonny still tries to talk to me after harold sent him that message, and he agreed with me last week that if i wanted to talk i would just have to send him a message and he wouldnt bother me. But, he's been sending me texts and friend requests. He's really pissing me off and I just want him to leave me alone.

Pretty much all next week I will be at harold's. But, I told my parents that I would be at heather's. She gave me permission to use her place as an excuse.

I bought Harold the movie Burn After Reading. I plan to give it to him for v-day. Well he explicitly told me that that's what he wanted. He's such a boy. Anyway,lol, I bought ky, because we're running very low. I think he mentioned about buying more condoms.

I might not get to see him until Sunday evening. I plan to get to his house after work that night, and I might have to wait for him to get off from work. He said his mom is leaving in the afternoon for the conference. He has this fantasy that expects to see me naked in his bed when he comes home from work. He'll say he's tired, I'll say I'm horny, and we'll have the best sex ever. lol

So I finally got birth control. I went to the Planned Parenthood in town and filled out all the paper work. It's only 15 dollars each month, but the day I went there, my bill was 40.

10= Visit
15= Pregnancy test (apparently mandatory)
15= Pills

The nursed begged me to take the Morning After Pill, but it would have been 30 for two pills. I told her no, because the reason I havent started my period is due to irregularity.

Today I started my period and have been cramping like crazy. I had to work 6 hours straight with no break, the pain was unbearable.
I'm glad I got the pill because I do not want to get pregnant.

This past week I have been at harolds home and we'd have sex at least onc every day I was there. twice yesterday, because my horomones were crazy.

Sonny still texts me and messages me. Apparently the rude message Harold sent hasnt gotten into his head.

The title of this entry comes from a sketch drawing that Clayton did for his government class. He had to draw out a map of a fictional country. He let me photocopy the map. Now I have it hanging on my wall.

The Holidays treated me nice. I worked non-stop right before Christmas eve, but I had Christmas eve and christmas day off. I went to Houston for New year's. Bobby picked me and allen up and we went to his house. I met his cousin Sammie and his gf Abigail. His sister Trisha is awesome.

Harold wants to participate in a program to spend a year in Germany. I'm not sure how far I updated our relationship. I support his decision, but it's discomforting to know that our relationship could end at any time when he gets accepted. Oh well, i guess that's what i get for falling in love.

JcPenney permenantly has me working in the women's department. It kinda sucks. I dislike working with this one woman.
But I have been getting a lot of credit apps lately since working in the women's dept.

I plan to spend the night at Harold's home this wednesday. I spent the night last weekend. I havent seen him since. I invited him to hang out with Alex and I at the mall last monday, but he declined saying he was hungry. I teased him and said that because of not showing up, he owes me a dinner and a movie date.

I had a lot of fun in Houston. We left in the morning of new year's eve, and ventured eight hours until we finally arrived in Katy. Bobby wanted to show us what his hometown Blessing looked like. We met his aunt Kim in TPO. TPO is a run down town. White trailers after trailer. Palacios is not much better. Bay city is actually descent. It reminds me of Hillsboro in a way.
When we got to katy, Trisha and Michelle went to buy alcohol for us. They made cosmopolitans. But it was to strong for me, so I didn't finish my glass. I had one beer and took like two shots of vodka. I didn't drink as much as everyone else did. Matter of fact, no one really got drunk, for the exception of Abigail and Sammie. They were hammered.
I remember going outside with Abigail's brother Randy. I wanted to smoke my cigarettes, but not alone, so I invited him to join me. We talked out nornal things like high school and our future plans. Then the neighbor, who we invited because she was alone drinking champagne with her daughter, came out side with her champagne glass and sat down with us. She also smoked her cigarettes. I went inside for some reason and when I came back outside the neighbor slurred incoherently and said she was going home. She was drunk as hell.
I also remember hitting my left knee against the corner of the glass top coffee table. Trisha said she was going to move it away so that no one would hurt themselves, i.e. me.
As the clock stroked midnight, we lit as many fireworks as we could. I then called harold to wish him a new year. Him and Austin were yelling incoherently and at one point yelled profanities. I excused their behavior, thinking they were drunk or stoned.
Everyone finally goes to bed after Abigail stops having her hour and a half long asthma attack. I sleep on a very uncomfortable air mattress with Sammie.
The next morning the first thing Bobby says it that Randy has a crush on me. All I think is damn it. I tell bobby that I already have a boyfriend.
Around four we leave and we get to waco by 8:30 in the evening.
Then I had to work the next day.

My new year's resolution is to go to the Fear Before concert at Dallas on March 22.

Apparently Fear Before came to Waco last Saturday, and I didn't know anything about it. I could have seen them since I got off from work at 6. I'm a little upset, because I've been wanting to see them live for the past year, and haven't been able to get a ride to dallas or austin. They finally come to town, and I miss it. Fuck.
It's been over a week since my dog died. She got really sick and my dad decided it was best to put her down.
The other day I was with Harold at his home. We were making out, and he takes his shirt off. I notice a hickey on his shoulder, and he says it's from me. I tell him I never gave him one. He claims that the only girl he's been with so far is me. He also tells me that he hasn't cheated on me. I could have checked his cell if I wanted to. There wouldn't be anything there to suggest that he was cheating on me. He asks me if I think he's been cheating. I say no, but sometimes I get that feeling. Harold becomes upset, probably even pissed at me. I apologize for even doubting him, and that I would never say anything to hurt him. I do recall necking him, but I never thought I'd leave a mark. He swears it was from me. He seemed really serious about it. So I'll believe him.

Harold decided to not go to school next semester. He said it's stressful and he just really wants to work full time. he said that if he saves up enough money, he plans to go backpacking in Europe during the summer.
So our relationship will only last about 6 months.
I told him before we even dated that I never wanted to be in a relationship that had an egg timer on it.
But I didn't listen to what I didn't want, I listened to what I wanted, and what I wanted was to be with Harold.
I'm not regretting any of it, but I had it coming. I knew something would happen and that I wouldn't be with him long.
Though I feel embarrassed because last month I told Heather that Harold would be someone that I'd love to spend the majority of my life with. If I were to ever marry someone, harold would be that guy I want.
But, whatever, those are only daydreams, right?
So as Harold is happy and content that he has a purpose now, I'm all upset and trying to deal with this. If I don't think about it, then I'm okay, but if I do, then I'm melancholy.
He said that he still plans to be with me even if he won't go to college. But, I have this strong feeling that we will end up splitting up because of our different schedules.
I guess I'll just think of the "now" as Harold told me to do. But I do know that once we break up, it's going to hurt really bad.

My dog is getting worse and I think my parents are having her put down soon. They've been giving her a lot of scrap food, because they think she should eat whatever she wants, even if it's not considered healthy.

My parents dont want me to go to San fran early. I thought I would have to leave in spring '10, but my dad said that I could also take my basics online through academy of art. Just until I actually have to take my core courses. So I guess I will still be in Waco for the next two years.

My thanksgiving was very simple and laid back. We didn't even eat on the dining table. We sat in front of the television. How American.
I talked to Bobby for a little bit. He's visiting in Febraury! I cant wait to see him.
Sonny is still texting me. I'm getting annoyed even more. Who texts someone at four in the fucking morning? Really, please tell me. Even after we argued!
I've converted the extension for the short film the crew created this past summer, but Myspace server was busy when I tried to upload it.

Fuck.....

I got sick on sunday thanks to Harold. I caught whatever he had. It got worse throughout the day, making me sleep all hours. I even had to call in sick. Whatever I had, it disappeared on Monday.

Katie Gant died from a car accident last Friday night and I didnt know about it until my mom showed me the paper on Sunday. It feels weird to know that she died, because I had the same theatre arts class last year with her, and I got to know that she was a down to earth girl. Even though she hung out with the popular kids, she wasnt really like them. I'm not going to her funeral, because I didnt know her that well, and I wasnt friends with her. Besides, I've had enough of death. It seems like a lot of people I know have been dying.

Enough about that topic.

I get paid Friday and the paycheck is really good. I also get to see "Twilight" in the movie theater on thursday evening. Amazing.

I have yet to read the books I purchased last Thursday. Damn.

I could be doing my German homework, but I dont feel like it.

I haven't seen Heather all day, nor have I got a hold of her today. I hope she is okay.

I went to Harold's home and we intended to watch a movie but that didn't last long. We ended up having sex. I told him in order for a us to cutdown, we have to stop going to his house. Hopefully we can do that.

I'm not feeling well right now. I have this massive headache and an hour ago I took aspirin and it's not helping.

I might have to go to bed soon and sleep it off.

I went over my minutes. So I cant talk to anyone on my cell for awhile. I had to write my dad a $43 check for the bill.

I feel bad for suggesting to Harold that we spend an hour at his house before we had to go to german class. We took it too far than plannned or expected. If I hadn't recommended the hangout, we wouldn't have had a slight rift today.
I fear that he doesn't love me. I fear that he says that he loves me, but he could also be seeing another girl. He claims that the high school girl is not an issue, and that Annie is the one that hurt him last year, by leading him on and teasing him.
He reassured me that I'm the only girl he wants and that I will never loose him.
I think sometimes I worry too much, because of the crappy relationships I've had in the past.
I want this relationship to work. I know Harold is perfect and that being with him is right in every way.

Mom told me today that Princess is still sick and the vet said that the infection could actually be a tumor in her nasal cavity. We have two options if it does turn out to be a tumor:

1) We could take her to A&M and have her get surgery
2) We put her down

My parents want to do the second option, because they don't want her to suffer. I'll understand, but deep down I'll always think of them wrong to do that.
But I won't try to be upset about this, because we don't know for sure if it's a tumor.

I know I've said this before and I will say it again.
This year fucking sucks.
Just as I think it can get better, it turns around and becomes worse. Something I never wished to happen has happened and there's nothing I can do to stop it.

I wish I could leave Waco. I don't care if it's for a night or forever. Waco has become the epicenter for bad luck this year. I yearn to move away. I think that if princess does die from a tumor, I'm moving next fall. I'll finish next semester and move to San Fran like I always wanted to do in the beginning. However, that means I'll have to leave everyone behind that I love. Like my family, alex, clayton, heather, harold, paula and everyone else. I'll make a refreshing start in a place that is completely alien to me, but I think that's what I need.

Today I have to get to the mall early to find a black polo shirt without any design or logo. I tried to find some at the Wal-mart in Bellmead, but I had no luck.

Here is my list of things I need to do:

Go to my bank and ask for a debit card (may ask for online banking)
Register for my Spring classes (I have a feeling that AAU wont accept German credit)
Buy a new pair of shoes
Buy a new pair of jeans (preferably two pairs IF cheap)
Plan a picnic day with Harold and make the lunch
Pay for my car insurance
Get gas and put air in my tires

I feel like I'm missing some things. But I dont know.

Harold wanted me to spend the night tonight. It's not going to happen. I dont get out of work until ten and have to be back there at one in the afternoon tomorrow. Plus, I'd have to lie to my parents and say I'm going to heather's. I am tired of lying. Besides, they got upset last weekend for me staying out til two thirty in the morning.

My mom still hasnt gotten my birthday cake. I hope she gets it tomorrow. It's like that every year. She either forgets or buys it a week later.

I really dont want to go to work, but I have to. bleh.